This weekend I decided to clean out my closet, reconnect with myself, stay home with my dogs, and concentrate on my writing, so I don’t have a review this week. Instead I wanted to share with you some of my musings and what the holiday season means to me this year.
I grew up in a small community 60 miles west of Fort Worth. 2 ½ years ago, my daughter graduated high school and moved out and on with her own life, so I moved here. I had been a single mom for 16 years, worked two jobs and went to school to support my family. I was always busy being a mom, paying bills and worrying, so I was quite shocked when I woke up one day and realized I was 38, alone, and in a town where my opportunities were limited. I had family in the Austin/San Marcos area so I asked them about moving here and starting a new life. They were happy to help. I got a job right away so I packed up my car and moved here in June of 2009. Since moving here, so much has changed for the better. I do miss the life in a small community but I love how much more is available here.
Then, at about the same time last year, a bulging disc forced me to take time off from work to see specialists and pain doctors. I don’t like going to the doctor or feeling like I’m helpless and I certainly don’t like being in horrible pain. Yet I found myself at the mercy of all of it. Depressed and feeling very isolated, I only had my phone and internet to connect with the world. I was in bed most of the time and I think I read every book known to man. I was thoroughly medicated, numb with morphine and prednisone. If you know anything about these two drugs they can really damage you mentally and physically. Focusing on the horrible three months that took so much of my life would be too easy, so I decided to try to find the positive in that whole ordeal.
With only drug induced naps here and there, I had time to reflect on my relationships and what path in life to take next. I believe everything happens for a reason. I came to realize my heart and soul were trying to tell me something. First, I was not meant to sit around in a cubicle, talking to people on the phone. I realized just how much I had shut down physically and emotionally. I realized that one of my passions, writing, had been in a vault somewhere and was now screaming to be let out. My passion to help the “underdog” had also been locked up and was now asking for the key. My restless desire to travel, live life and not waste it anymore would not be quiet and was attacking me physically. I had successful surgery in February and decided then no more wasting time with “what if” or “can I.” It was time to take the reins on my life, so I went on a self discovery tour in California, Vegas and Dallas, which only opened my creative energy even more. So, as I write this article, I realize all the pain and broken roads from the past have brought me here.
This holiday season all I want is to have peace and celebrate my health, my friends and family. The world is a chaotic place right now and there is so much pressure to buy this and that to prove you really love someone, or, if one is single, who will you kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve? Instead of all this, wouldn’t it be nice for everyone to just stop and smile at a stranger or visit a neighbor just to reconnect? Yes, reconnect. I believe in these uncertain times we need to reconnect with our heart, mind, body and soul. Reconnect with our community and the needs of the many in our community, from the homeless and abused to the lonely who will have no presents to open. The shelters are full of families who have been displaced because of these hard economic times. Animal shelters are packed with unwanted animals. Instead of New Year’s resolutions, I am making vows to reconnect with my inner child, my dreams and the passions that I allowed to be put in that vault of adulthood.
This year has been a roller coaster but I have no regrets or wishes to make it different. I only want now to now look forward, walk into the unknown, and embrace it. I will reconnect with my community and I hope that you will also. Thank you for reading my reviews and giving me the chance to share so much. Thank you for reading The Blackland Reporter. The staff has many ideas and opportunities coming in the New Year and can’t wait to share them with you. Peace and Love during the holiday season.